Saturday, March 24, 2012

Taken Aback- Part 4

To this day I still don't know if A.B. looked over his shoulder as he walked into the business building, I was much too determined to keep my eyes focused on the dorms ahead of me and now that it's been close to a year ago I find it hard to care.  I can't believe a whole year has passed since the two of us came in contact with each other; a lot has happened since then.  There is a large part of me that wishes I could travel back to the time when I typed out my first reply and yell at myself not to hit the seemingly innocent enter button.  The other part of me, the reasonable part, is so grateful that and blessed because of that one moment.

A.B. was in class and I was home in my apartment, laying on my bed exhausted, reviewing the awkward situation that had just happened.  Before meeting A, I had told myself that if he didn't like me one we met that it would be okay.  To me it seemed that A.B. didn't like me, and I definitely was not okay with it!  I had begun to like his personality and after seeing him in person I knew I was attracted to him.  But don't worry, I had just blown any opportunity that I might have had with him.

He must have been bored, or maybe I had made a better impression then I thought, but as my phone vibrated and I saw that it was from A.B. my spirits lifted.  He didn't say "it was good to meet you" or anything of that nature, but instead he commented on how boring his class was.  We chatted the night away  about silly unimportant things and there was no need to worry about the encounter earlier that day.

Not long after we met, maybe a couple days, A.B. randomly called me.  I answered the phone with a little hesitancy.  It was obvious that he was slightly out of his comfort zone but we managed some small talk and then he asked!  "Kelsey, are you doing anything this Saturday?"  Well I was planning on washing my hair, doing some homework and painting my nails.  Even if I had been doing something I would have gladly canceled my plans to go on a date with A.  I casually play things off not wanting to seem overeager but I gladly accept his offer.  A.B. and I will be going out on Saturday for ice cream!  I hang up the phone and all that I have left to do is patiently wait.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

It's Raining Men: Part 1- Pity Party

Sometimes I am compelled to sit down and write about what is going on in my life; right now is definitely one of those moments!  Is it possible for life to be so crazy, stressful and wonderful as my life is right now? Well obviously if it's happening in my life then it is possible.  And so we begin.

Back in January I remember having a really rough day.  It was a Sunday and while the day had been great everything in my life decided to blow up around 9pm.  I'm not going to keep it a secret that I had been a little depressed that there didn't seem to be any guys that were interested in dating me.  Each night I prayed that one day I would have opportunities to meet new guys and that I was 100% willing to wait on the Lord for him to prepare me in due time.  I knew that through my faith and willingness to turn my life over to him that I would be blessed.  Nightly I would tell the Lord that my life was in his hands and that I would go and be willing to do whatever he needed me to do.

That night in January I broke down.  Someone had made the comment that people know not to cross me and almost implied that people were scared of me.  I was hurt.  Silently sitting on my bed with tear stained cheeks I poured my heart into my journal.

January 29, 2012: I'm not feeling very good about myself, i'm gaining weight and have been feeling a lack of spirituality in my life.  I have no self control when it comes to eating, I can't seem to tell myself no.  I always find myself trying to make a commitment to eat healthy or to stop eating until dinner but then I break my commitment.  I'm very frustrated and disgusted with myself.  I understand that my weight doesn't determine my happiness, because i'm always happy, in a general sense.  Maybe life is just hard."

"No one is interested in ME, and while i'm okay being single it would be nice to get asked out of to have someone come over to visit.  Last night I realized that people are scared of me... In a way.  My roommate made some comment about how people should know not to cross me or make me angry.  It kind of hurt.  I feel that people in Pine View don't know the side of me that would do anything for someone, instead people always seem to see me as being blunt, honest and maybe even a little rude.  I don't mean to be that way."

"I know deep in my heart that one day a guy will value those qualities, but i'm worried it will be later rather  then sooner.  I really do want to get married... eventually; when the time is right."

Oh, poor Kelsey!  What a pitiful rant!