Sometimes I am compelled to sit down and write about what is going on in my life; right now is definitely one of those moments! Is it possible for life to be so crazy, stressful and wonderful as my life is right now? Well obviously if it's happening in my life then it is possible. And so we begin.
Back in January I remember having a really rough day. It was a Sunday and while the day had been great everything in my life decided to blow up around 9pm. I'm not going to keep it a secret that I had been a little depressed that there didn't seem to be any guys that were interested in dating me. Each night I prayed that one day I would have opportunities to meet new guys and that I was 100% willing to wait on the Lord for him to prepare me in due time. I knew that through my faith and willingness to turn my life over to him that I would be blessed. Nightly I would tell the Lord that my life was in his hands and that I would go and be willing to do whatever he needed me to do.
That night in January I broke down. Someone had made the comment that people know not to cross me and almost implied that people were scared of me. I was hurt. Silently sitting on my bed with tear stained cheeks I poured my heart into my journal.
January 29, 2012: I'm not feeling very good about myself, i'm gaining weight and have been feeling a lack of spirituality in my life. I have no self control when it comes to eating, I can't seem to tell myself no. I always find myself trying to make a commitment to eat healthy or to stop eating until dinner but then I break my commitment. I'm very frustrated and disgusted with myself. I understand that my weight doesn't determine my happiness, because i'm always happy, in a general sense. Maybe life is just hard."
"No one is interested in ME, and while i'm okay being single it would be nice to get asked out of to have someone come over to visit. Last night I realized that people are scared of me... In a way. My roommate made some comment about how people should know not to cross me or make me angry. It kind of hurt. I feel that people in Pine View don't know the side of me that would do anything for someone, instead people always seem to see me as being blunt, honest and maybe even a little rude. I don't mean to be that way."
"I know deep in my heart that one day a guy will value those qualities, but i'm worried it will be later rather then sooner. I really do want to get married... eventually; when the time is right."
Oh, poor Kelsey! What a pitiful rant!